When Wedding Reception Planning becomes Wedding Stressing
People have always told me that I have a Type A personality because I love organizing and planning (I plan my vacations at least 6 months ahead of time.. I'm sorry if that scares you). Before I started planning for my wedding reception, I was told that there will be a lot of stressful moments. I thought I was the exception. I thought I was organized enough to handle the stress. I was, of course, fatally wrong. For the past few months I have been challenged to redefine my values and I often find myself wanting to hang upside down from a tree like a bat when things get confusing. Regardless, I can safely say that I have grown a little more. I want to document the things that I have learned so I can shove it in my future daughter's face while she plans for her wedding. Here we go!
1. One step at a time
When I first started planning, I wanted to figure everything out immediately.. only to find out that there were too many things that I needed to consider and that I couldn’t do it all at once. I know that sounds really obvious, but it doesn’t really hit you until you’re given 10 venue choices, 50 makeup artist choices, and hundreds of dresses to choose from. It’s OK to finish one thing at a time. Your city won’t run out of vendors. There are other couples that plan their wedding party a month before the actual date and still survive.
2. Schedule a Time Out
It’s easy to get so consumed with planning that you forget that there’s still life outside of it. You must purposefully set a time-out time where you and your significant other is not allowed to talk about weddings. Talk about your jobs, talk about how your day went, talk about the new movie that just came out - anything but wedding planning. Sean and I started scheduling no Wedding Wednesdays. That means for the next year we'll have 52 days where we actually don't talk about weddings! (Sean was really excited about this)
3.You don’t have to listen to everybody’s opinions
There are only 3 parties' opinion that matter in this process : your bae, your immediate family, and your bae’s immediate family. I kind of knew that, but it was still hard to not listen to what other people had to say. Questions like “you should have done….”, “why didn’t you…”, will come up all the time. It’s always wise to listen but it’s even wiser to filter while listening. You don’t have to take it all to heart. Nobody can walk your shoes for you.
4. Keep tradition but adjust to your circumstances
I personally love traditional touches in weddings; I think a wedding itself is a tradition. But that doesn’t mean you should stress about keeping a tradition that does not fit your circumstances. For example, tradition says that the couple must do a first dance.. Some couples might feel awkward doing that, so it’s totally OK to forgo that for a group dance instead! :)
5. Your budget should dictate your wants, don’t let your wants dictate your budget. A party can have unlimited budget, but should it?
Last but not least, these few couple of months has tested my priorities. A party can go from $100 to $100 Million, but should it? Should you spend that extra $500 on a longer dress train? Why have a 10 feet long dress train when a 5 feet one could suffice? I have re-learned to focus on the thing that matters : the celebration of a union of two. It’s hard and I admit it’s still an ongoing process - especially when you're planning an Indonesian wedding where everything needs to be lavish and over the top. But I can tell you that it is not impossible, and that it is a commitment that must be made daily, even after the wedding party itself. Just know that at the end of the day you still end up married, and that’s all that would matter, and all that you would probably remember. The extra money you put on a designer dress might be forgotten, but your marriage wont be.
These past few months have shown that I obviously have a lack of knowledge in this department. For those who are skipping the wedding reception planning process, I would encourage you to pursue it. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it doesn’t have to be like Kim Kardashian's wedding, it can be something that fits your budget. But planning will expose your inner feelings, the wants and desires that you’ve always had. Planning will force you to leave some of those wants behind for something that is way more precious. It will train you compromise and listen and it will stretch your patience to the very end (but that’s how you build muscle in any relationship right?). Kudos to all the brides who have managed to not become a bridezilla during planning. You girls are the coolest and I hope I can be like you!